Rain and a cloud

It's perfectly beautiful outside today. It's raining as I type this. It was pouring down big drops from the sky as I drove home today. I had an appt for a pedicure, but cancelled it because I couldn't bear to have bare feet on such a cozy evening. All I wanted was to get in my comfy clothes and put slippers on my feet. It's late March and we're still having rain. We can have many months without rain - sometimes a good part of a year - so, I'm enjoying every last drop.

I think I'll bake something.

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I'm borrowing this idea from a friend's blog. (*Waving* "Hi friend! I miss you..")
It's funny how this "word cloud" conveys my thoughts. My friend's cloud was so... HER. And mine is, too. Me, I mean. It's only words, but sort of paints a picture don't you think?

Where did I put my glasses?

I pulled a muscle in my back while making love this morning.

oy...

I'm using a "firming" creme on my face every night after I wash. I have more grey hair than ever. And, I can't seem to remember where I put anything or, for that matter, I can't usually remember what I'm trying to remember. I need glasses to read and glasses to watch tv. Next thing you know, I'm in bi-focals. Ohforchrissakes...

Aging is a weird thing. It seemed to have hit me all of the sudden. When I was younger, the whole getting old thing just seemed so far off. Must've sneaked up on me when I wasn't paying attention.

I'm too young to be old, you know? Yet, I am simply glad to be here. I'm thrilled to have hair that needs to be colored. I'm thankful they sell that firming crap to people like me, so my skin looks younger. (shut up. it DOES look younger.) And, I'm having sex! Who cares if it causes injury!?

I am never going to think of myself as an old person. Until I'm 100. Then, I'll be proud to be old! In the meantime, I'm filling my moments the best I can. I seem to vacillate between feeling totally stressed and pure enjoyment. Right now it all feels good. Most times, lately, I'm stressed and depressed. I've got to sort it all out and make it all right. I'm still a work in progress. How can I be old? I've so much more to do.......

A little bit of paradise is good for the soul...

Spent the weekend with girlfriends who are like sisters. It was renewing and fun and just a really, really good time....

come a long way...

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my surgery. It's been almost 15 months since diagnosis, but this anniversary feels like a milestone. Last year at this time the shit was really hitting the fan. I'm so grateful to be where I am now. This is a much better place...

here is a little bit from my journal as i was anticipating my surgery and upcoming treatment:

16 hours.

this is a most sickening feeling - awaiting surgery that will change my life. don reminds me that it will save it. it's amazing how it doesn't feel that way at ALL. i'm fine. a perfectly healthy, self-sufficient, no-pain, functioning person. but come tomorrow, i'll be all kinds of messed up with a missing body part and months and months of crappy treatments to endure...i don't want any of this. i haven't suffered enough? i'm not allowed my happiness now, at long last, after all i've been through??

oh, and the timing. really, now. mom's in her final days and i'm going through this. at what stage in my treatment will that day come? will i be able to go to the funeral?

there is this deep down feeling of dread and fear that washes over me, unexpectedly, now and again. :-( i know i'm supposed to have a positive attitude. everyfuckingbody tells me how important that is. okay. i'm positive this sucks.

get me to the other side...please. swiftly, safely, without any complications. please.

i want to enjoy my kids and live my happily every after with my sweet husband. . .

Well, I DID make it to the other side. Maybe not swiftly, but with few complications. My life isn't all about doctor appts. I've ditched the wig for a good. My life is changed forever, yet feels like my own again.

And every day that passes I feel a little more confident about my happily ever after... :-)

Na na na na na na You Say It's Your Birthday...

We're gonna have a good time!

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband...

I sure missed him this weekend. Ahhh, but the reunion...

I'm looking forward to our date tonight. That's what I like best about birthdays. They're a good excuse to do something special. Dinner in. Dinner out. Drinks. Dress up. Dress down. Tonight, we're going out. I love going out with the man. We sit together on the same side of the booth. We kiss and whisper and snuggle and giggle. It's nauseating, really...but this is the kind of relationship I'd only dreamed of. It is so satisfying to feel completely comfortable in our love. We're a couple. A partnership. A friendship. A love affair. In my first marriage, I never felt like my husband and I were a couple. We lived together. We had children together. But mostly we were miserable. Sighh...but that's a whole other post!

Cheers! and.. Happy Birthday Don! May we celebrate many, many more together.....

Coffee and sunsets

It's Sunday afternoon, I just brewed a fresh batch of coffee, I'm home all alone and it's raining. What better time to start my first official blog entry?

I'm not exactly sure how I'll be as a blogger. I'm used to having my own personal journal where I can write whatever is in my head. No filter. Lots of swearing. You know...

I'm not sure if I'll post often or rarely. I am pretty sure it'll be trivial and boring. But not today...
Today I'm alone because my hubby is up in Seattle visiting his daughter. We're separated from her since the hubs moved down here nearly 2 years ago to live with and marry the love of his life. (me!) Generally, she flies up to visit us one weekend each month, with longer visits during school vacations. The routine has changed since her terrifying flight down at Christmastime. She'd always been a willing and happy little traveler (at the ripe young age of 13 - she was 11 when her dad moved away) before this event. Now, she's afraid to fly. Our first priority, since dad and daughter were separated, has been to have her with us as often as possible. This has really put a kink in our lives.

What is with the airlines, anyway? We always pay extra money for unaccompanied minor status. They have phone numbers for her mom and stepdad in Seattle and her dad and myself down here. When the event occurred, did they call ANY of us ?? NO! For awhile, we had no idea where she was. AND we didn't know anything about the events that took place until my stepdaughter told us herself! We'd been told the plane returned due to mechanical difficulties. WE had to call to find out that much. It wasn't until we picked up the girl at the airport that we learned about the oxygen masks and all.... Somebody should've called so that her mom could have been with her after they landed back in Seattle! Somebody should've called to let us know what the hell was going on! We're thankful she wasn't hurt, but this has really affected the family. She's seeing a counselor and we're working on ways to help her with her fears. Hopefully one day soon she'll be ready to fly again.

Looks like a beautiful sunset out there. Wanna share it with me?
(well. not as spectacular as I'd hoped but here 'tis..)