Days go by

Do you ever think that life gets in the way of life? I do.


I mean, we all know that we need to make the most out of each day....especially as adults. As young people, we're busy learning and finding our way in the world. The older we get, the more we need to stop and smell the roses. None of that sweating the small stuff. Live and enjoy what we have because we never know what's next. It could be something wonderful. Or it could be the unexpected tragedy.


Pain, grief, accomplishment, joy, peace, turmoil. What's it gonna be? One never knows. Seems recently my life has been a series of emotional ups and downs. Many things are beyond my control. I just have to deal with them. However, much of it is what goes on inside my head. Feelings of inadequacy, regrets...all that unhealthy stuff. It's not quite all-consuming. I have lots of joyfulness, but it's an ever-present underlying current. It's apparent to those who love me. The last thing I want is to subject my negativity (for lack of a better word) to my loved ones. I've been whining about this too long. I am totally aware of the fact that I need to shut up and DO something about.

My husband loves me dearly and unconditionally. I've come to depend on that love. I don't know that's a good thing, but it's a way of life now. I enjoy our friendship and partnership and love. It's not enough. That alone cannot make me happy. *I* have to make me happy.

There have been events and changes in my life that have brought me to the realization that this may be it. I've always had hopes and dreams and goals to reach for and look forward to. I guess I'm realizing that my head is in the clouds. Those hopes and dreams aren't realistic. Bleh... I've got work to do. It's too much to spell out right here.

Last week I attended a funeral for a young man. The church was FILLED with hundreds of friends and family members who loved this boy. His short life ending suddenly at 16. He was a terrific young man. Had everything to offer the world. Now he's gone and those that he leaves behind must go on without him. His mom is amazing. She is dealing with her grief in such a straightforward, honest way. I've always adored and admired her, but now more than ever. The family could use your prayers...

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Today's challenge is returning a hulky piece of furniture we bought last week that weighs about 2 million pounds. I don't know WHAT I was thinking when I bought it , but now I want it GONE! I have a very difficult time with decision making. I think and think and think before I feel I've made the right decision. What happens most often is that AFTER the decision has been made and carried through, I reach clarity and it's always different than the decision that's been made. Why wasn't I able to come to that decision before it was too late? Not sure how to change this flaw, but I really need to because it's becoming an inconvenience and it's definitely pissing me off!

It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in "jammies" and eating frosted flakes because I'm feeling squirrelly - my tummy's sorta phuckt up. Laundry and chores await. I hear them calling..."Yooohoooooooooo..?" yeah, yeah...I'm coming. sheeesh.

I've been back at work now for a week. My summer break was relaxing and I enjoyed it. Flew by like a long weekend, though. My new position has me returning 3 weeks earlier than I've always done. 5 weeks off! I'm lucky for that (don't get PAID for it, but it's still a luxury!) Now that I'm back it's like I never left and I am BURIED already.

Gee - you must all be ready to leap off a bridge after reading this. Sorry.... Guess I needed to dump.

And while I'm at it, I really am sad that we're not able to make the trip up Seattle for the party. We have family there and it should be easy enough to go. I reaalllly hate when money is the reason. I know I should be thankful for all I have. I am. But when money gets in the way of things like this it just makes me sad. boo hoo.

I'm thinking about changing my hair. If I DO, I'll be like Lori and show it off! My hair is longer than it's been since, well since it came back! It's not the same hair as before I lost it. It was always soft and shiny. Then, it grew back curly, then wavy, now straight but not silky and shiny. I found a picture of what I'd like. I'll bring it to the hairdresser and say "Make me look like this!" Cross your fingers!

I'll close now (if anybody is actually still reading this!). Love and hugs to all of you...