Life is busy and I wonder why it is that I can't ever find the time to do the things I want and/or need to do.
I work full time. I can't say I'm doing something that I
love or that what I do each day is so fulfilling that it's worth the time and effort that I put into it. A thought came to me recently. It's unrealistic and unhealthy to even give any attention to the thought. It keeps speaking to me and I wish it would shut up already.
"I don't want to work full time anymore"
Shut UP! I need a full time job. I should be (and
am, really) thankful to have the job.
I just don't or, rather, I am just unable to make the time to do the things I need to do. I need to finish projects in my house. I need to make phone calls to clear up some chronic insurance matters. I need to clean my closets. I need to reorganize the house. I need to take better care of my plants. My car needs brakes. My upstairs bathroom is leaking from lord know where. We painted but never replaced the baseboards. I need new flooring in a big bad way.
I want to better myself. I want to find a therapist. I want to take classes in Excel and religious studies and cooking. I want more time to write, take photographs. Learn Photoshop. Return phone calls. I want to enjoy making dinner again. I want to bake just 'cause I want to, not because I'm taking dessert to a gathering. I want a massage. A facial. Smell the fucking roses.
I want to travel................
sighh
I've started reading a blog written by a woman who recently learned she has breast cancer - rather advanced - and she's telling her story as it plays out. She's terrific. Most days when she posts she closes with "Joys Today". I'm going to try that:
Today's Joys
that first cup of coffee
green hills
my son's rockin' new haircut
red wine
a sweet good morning text from my girl
fresh sheets
a welcome home hug
the internet
There now. I feel better.
Tomorrow we're taking the day off - Don's having his biopsy and we're that much closer to getting him better. Friday is his follow up appt. AND his birthday.
goodnight, sweet dreams...